Are You Still Here

To quote Ferris Buehler at the end of his great film...

"Are You Still Here?"

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What DoYou Want, a Formal Apology?

Have you ever heard that, or said that? Well today, I finally found one; a formal apology form. I was just cruising aroud the web and I stumbled across this long spoken of tool for peace making. You can get it here.

I don't think we can really overestimate the value of a sincere apology. It is really a way of putting the weapons down. I have come to look forward to apologizing (mostly). Apologies give us a chance to reflect on how our actions are connected to other's re-actions. Apologies, when done with a pure heart can be moments of growth and acceptance. Apologizing for how our words or actions have done someone else harm without judging whether or not they (a) should have been harmed, or (b) to what extent they were harmed, really gives us the opportunity to show love and care for them above our desire to be right or our own egos.

If peacemakers are part of the Universe's plan for us, apologies give us the chance to be peacemakers; to humble oursleves and express a concern that we have caused pain by our actions or words.

Apologies are not a sign of weakness as only the strong are capable of sincere apology.

Apologies are not always an admission of guilt, rather, they are often an acknowledgement of someone elses feelings and existance.

Apologies are not only for the offended as they also release the offender.

Think about your circle of friends, family and acquaintances. Do you have apologies that can be given out? Go and apologize and restore the relationship.

Good Guys/Gals Finish Last

I used to believe this. How could you not? It’s fairly common to observe people doing the right thing and loosing money, status, thier jobs, sometimes even thier lives because they would not give into living as the world was pushing them to. People who stick to thier convictions even in the face of persecution, mockery and loss have an incredible strength. It seems though, that the ones who are willing to put themselves fist at all cost, the ones who live in a place of kill or be killed, are often the ones rewarded and admired.

I knew a man who worked as a salesperson for a steel company. He was above average at his job. Financially, his sales were valued by the company, but his opinions and personality weren’t. He worked among men with colorful and demeaning ways to talk about women, minorities, homosexuals and the handicapped. Men who could talk about and diminish the humanity of these groups of people not only behind closed doors, but in the open, every day, often in front of or even directed towards the very targets of their hateful speech. This dehumanizing speech was a way to control those who did not fit in their group.

My friend would often speak out and defend these other groups. Because of this, he was mocked and placed socially among the group of outsiders. Raises would be given, he got none. Promotions were handed out, he got none. Bonuses were paid, he got none. The more my friend spoke out, the more he was pushed to the margins of the company. I asked him why he didn’t just give up and either stop pushing back or quit.

He told me that he didn’t quit because these people needed a voice of truth and love in their midst. He felt like he was providing some small counter balance to the hate, lest the victims come to believe fully that they were less than the ones with the biggest mouths. He told me he didn’t shut up as a way of defending himself and ensuring that he was happier and healthier than the bigots he worked with.

Happier? How could he be happier when he was subject to verbal abuse, unfair treatment, and economic penalties?

He explained that when he went home at night he was able to enjoy his family. He carried no toxic emotions out of the office. When he slept at night, he said, sleep came quickly into his mind which was unclouded by guilt or hate, or plans for revenge. He told how he was able to laugh at truly funny things during his work day because he could see them. He could see them because he was not busy hiding himself, or staring at someone who had done him wrong.

Years later, he is still alive. Many of his coworkers have died of heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, alcohol related illness and even suicide. He lives. He not only lives, he still has friends from back then, friends he made while standing with them against the verbal and mental abuse of the world. He lives, happily, in good health, and surrounded by friends while the “winners” in that company have died, many alone.

How blessed was he to have the strength to stand up amidst persecution and injustice. How rich he was to have been able to place principals before money and status. I would say that nice guys may sometimes finish last, but they always finish strong, whole, and in closer relationship with the Creator.

Laugh and the World Laughs With You

Little kids have some things we bigger kids have lost.

• Imagination
• Silliness
  
• A sense of adventure
• Curiosity
  
• Disinterest in what the world thinks of our ideas
• Playfulness in all times and and in all ways
• Fearlessness about their bodies
• A way of looking at the world so as to find new uses for things that no one else has ever thought of

Just for fun today, do something crazy so that others can be reminded of the innocence of youth. Do something so silly that milk squirts out of your bosses nose. Splash around in your own creativity. Play like no one is looking. Celebrate your body. Disengage from your fear of being laughed at and BE LAUGHED AT.

Here are some questions to open your creative channels and get you in the mood.

Look at the picture on the right and think about these things:

• What was this boys original idea?
• What did his parents say when they found him?
• What was his response?
• Can you remember doing things like this when you were a kid?
• Tell someone about some of the things you did.
• Recreate one or two of them
  

We All Need a Referee

Image via WikipediaMy wife and I have a very good marriage. Not an easy marriage, or a stress free, problem-less marriage, but a very good marriage. We have a good marriage because we have learned how to communicate. We have learned how to communicate through the use of a referee, or a translator if you will. Someone who has taught us to hear and appreciate the sometimes foreign language that we occasionally speak to one another. He is our Marriage Counselor, our peacemaker. Let's call him Max (name changed to protect his identity). Max has helped us untie knots since the first year of our marriage. Max is on our Christmas card list. We have brought souvenirs back from our vacations for Max. Max is part of our family.

We see him for a few weeks out of every year just for a tune up or some course adjustments. That is now. In the beginning we saw him for 10 weeks, twice in the same year because we didn't really understand each other at all. As Max has helped us to speak the same language, the need for seeing him has become less and less. Now we see him really just to catch up on where we have fallen short of being the best partners we can be and for reassurance that we are coming somewhere close to doing this thing right.

Peacemakers are good listeners. Peacemakers have no agenda other than to foster understanding between two or more opposing parties. Peacemakers are patient. Peacemakers seek to find the truth and to hold all parties accountable to it. Peacemakers are teachers, helping others to learn new ways of communicating or behaving. Peacemakers are interested ultimately in helping relationships move forward toward growth and unity. Peacemakers are experts at helping to untie knots or remove roadblocks to understanding. Peacemakers are conduits of all that is Holy in the world.

To be a peacemaker is to rise to the highest calling imaginable; that is to help others find their way back into right relationship with the Universe. To be a peacemaker is to be gifted with the ability to help others become the best reflection of Universal Love possible. To be a peacemaker is to be a selfless vessel through which turmoil and anger can be held until it is still and then given back as the seeds of understanding.

We are all called to be peacemakers.

• How can we empty ourselves so that others may be made whole?
  
• How can we learn to pause long enough so that we can understand why people act the way they do and then be part of the healing?
• How can we learn to be so loving that our primary focus becomes helping others to love and be loved?

I Can See Clearly Now...

Image by weye via Flic
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds, that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney day" -From the song, I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash-

I was driving yesterday and I ran out of windshield washer fluid. With all of the ice, rain and salt on the roads it wasn't long until I couldn't see. The world looked smeary, foggy and dark.

I was going through an intersection with this limited visibility and someone appeared out of nowhere and I almost slammed into them. By the grace of God I didn't, but I found myself intensely angry at this persons careless driving. How could they have just popped up like that. They had to have been the most careless and selfish driver ever. They could have caused an accident which would have left me injured and with expenses that I can't afford. How dare they!

A few minutes went by and I realized that indeed, they did not just "pop-up". I was blinded by my own dirty windshield. My inability to see and my tendency to blame others was totally my fault. I needed to clean my own windshield. I stopped at a service station and filled my washer fluid.

Once my window was clean, WOW, what a difference. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, my anger and frustration was gone.

Life is like that. When we carry toxic feelings and emotions in us, greed, anger, shame, guilt, hate, jealousy, vengeance, hurt, grudges, etc.; it truly clouds our vision. We become unable to see what's good and beautiful in the world and in other people because our "windows" (hearts) are dirty. It's amazing how the clearer our vision, the more likely we are to be able to see, and be aware of, the miraculous in the universe.

Conversely, carrying this stuff inside of us creates a self fulfilling cycle of misery. The less we can see Goodness, the less we feel Goodness exists. The less we feel Goodness exists, the more stuff piles up in our hearts that clouds our vision. How blessed are those who live with pure hearts. They are able to see, more often than not, the Creator of the Universe in everything around them.

Get yourself some cleaner and get that crap washed off of and out of your line of vision. May you see clearly today and realize what a "bright, bright, sunshiney day" it is. Today and every day.

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• Jealousy

Mercy Me!

What does it mean to be merciful?

Forgiving?
Generous?
Helpful?
Interested in healing?

Generally put, to be merciful is to be able to empathize with others and then to care enough to do something positive for them.

Probably all of us are merciful from time to time. We find a cause that strikes our hearts, or a person who, for whatever reason, becomes our lost kitten; we take them home, feed them, pour them milk and love them.

How many of us are merciful at all times and in all ways though?
Why would you want to be?

I hear it all the time, "the world is not fair", "why can't people treat each other with kindness?", "nobody smiles anymore". We are all very aware that we live in an often merciless world. We long for it to be different. Yet, for us to show mercy, in all times and in all ways would mean putting ourselves and our agendas second, often. Here's the thing though... If we agree that the world needs more healing, kindness and charity, why do we continue to choose to live outside of it ourselves?

Wouldn't we be more likely to say that the world is merciful, that we were surrounded with kindness and healing, if we choose to live that way?

It almost makes sense that if we live mercifully, we will begin to see that it is truly a merciful world. Hear me out on this. If we live at the ocean, the world is wet. If we live in the desert, the world is hot and dry. If we live at a carnival the world is loud and smells like cotton candy.

Maybe it's too simplistic, but if we want to see mercy, if we want to know that the world is a compassionate place, if we ourselves long to receive mercy, perhaps we should start by living mercifully. Maybe the merciful are as blessed through their own behavior and actions as the people to whom they show mercy.

Desperately Seeking Water

I was hiking once in Valley of Fire State Park just outside of Las Vegas, Nevada. I was on the trail headed for Mouse's Tank, alone, just me and a couple of cameras.

I am from the east coast, not too far from the Atlantic Ocean. I do not understand deserts. I am fascinated by their size, color, and extreme changes in climate that can happen all of a sudden.

The trail was beautiful. Canyon walls on both sides, Native American petroglyphs all around, small bushy succulents and cacti everywhere. I was about 3/4 mile into the canyon when it started to rain. Rain in the desert! What a neat thing to see. I found some shelter under a rock overhang so I could enjoy this "seemingly rare" occurrence. Not understanding deserts, or canyons, I did not realize that, 1.water does not absorb into the ground and 2. the canyon is a canyon because when it does rain, all of the water coming off the mountains runs through here.

It wasn't long before the small trickle of water in the previously dry canyon had swelled to a fast moving river about 4 feet wide by 2 feet deep. I was trapped in the canyon. Deciding it was time to get out before it got worse, I grossly underestimated the speed of the moving water and attempted to step into the stream to get across to land I could walk on. Bad move. My legs were swept out from under me and I was being pushed deeper into the canyon. I had two thoughts; my cameras are ruined, and I am going to die here.

Of course, I was able to roll out of the water onto higher ground and the threat of death was removed but I did loose my cameras (thankfully not my memory card so I have pics to remember). I was bloodied, pants torn and looking like a survivor of some tragic event, but I was alive. I began to walk toward the mouth of the canyon. It had stopped raining but the water was still flowing and looked to do so for a while.

The moment it stopped raining, hundreds of small flying gnats came out followed by bats and a large community of lizards. The lizards were looking at me like "you know, you really shouldn't be here right now". Even they knew I should have been smart enought to get out when the rain started.

I got to within 100 feet of the main road when I reached a spot too wide and too fast to cross. It looked as if I would have to sit and wait for the flood waters to subside and I could go no further until they did.
Some people drove up on the road, saw me trapped and stopped their car. They came as close as they could get to me, about 10 feet, and asked me if I was OK. I let them know that I was not hurt beyond some scratches and bruises. They then asked me the strangest question; "Do you need any water?". I was surrounded by water. A rope maybe, a board to walk across to safety certainly, but water? Water was the last thing I needed. Now, they were actually asking me about drinking water since they had no idea how long I had been trapped there but in that instant I remember thinking that I had enough water to satisfy me and needed nothing but a way across. They left, as there was nothing they could do for me.

Then I got thirsty.

I was so focused on survival and self reliance that I passed up the water that I truly needed. I saw so much other water all around that it never occurred to me that it is undrinkable and would not be what I needed to satisfy my thirst. I wish that I had been smart enough, or blessed enough to realize what I was thirsty for when it was offered.

My spiritual journey has been much the same. I spent many years wandering around, seeing "water" everywhere but never being able to quench my thirst with it. To beat a metaphor to death, it was actually drowning me, pulling me deeper and deeper into the desert.

How incredibly blessed was I on the day I realized that the water I thirst for comes from right relationship with the Universe and others. It was as if once I knew what I was hungry and thirsty for, only then could I begin to seek to be filled. Once I was able to identify my fruitless quest for satisfaction through things, people, money, addictions, etc. and accept that what I longed for was to know that I was created and designed by the Universe and that my presence, gifts talents and passions were part of His plan to restore myself and others to relationship with Him, only then was I able to say yes. Yes, I am thirsty. Yes, I need water. Only then was I able to start to be filled.

May you know that you are thirsty. May you know that the water you need has been given to you in creation and that you only need to start to drink. May you stay out of deserts and canyons and rapidly flowing flood waters as there is no life there.

Enough of the metaphor.

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I Can't Get No...Satisfaction

Meek. Humble.

Not two of the most admired traits in the world unfortunately. If we think about how we define those two words we often get the sense that they are submissive, docile, easily taken advantage of. They can mean all of those things, certainly, but they can also mean gentle, peaceful patient, unpretentious, not arrogant or prideful, definitely more positive traits no?

In a world of "I gotta' get mine", "kill or be killed", "lead, follow or get out of the way", We tend to look toward the driven, the aggressive and the domineering person as "having it all together".

• What if the opposite were true?
  
• What if the meek and humble were able to be that way because they were satisfied with who they are?
• What if the driven and dominant were that way because they were on a never ending quest to be filled and to feel complete, like they finally had enough?
• What if meekness and humility were goals we set for ourselves and traits we admired in others?

How blessed would we be if we were so content and satisfied with who we are, what our gifts and talents are and our place in the Universe that we truly felt we didn't need to fight or posture ourselves differently. If it is true that the meek shall inherit the earth, would it hold that once we felt so full of the Spirit of the Universe that we didn't want for anything else, we may as well have the whole world as it would not make us any fuller.

• What thing(s) do you feel would finally make you complete?
• How can you put down that feeling and become content with who and what you already are?

May you come to know that you are whole, perfect and complete and then live out of that completeness so that it flows over into others.

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Avoiding the Pain

Image via Wikipedia
We are a pain adverse culture. We try to avoid sadness, mourning and pain at all costs. We deny our feelings, pretend to be OK, mask the pain with activities or addictions, anything we can do to escape it. We want to be happy!

What we miss out on in this quest for happiness at all times, be it real or artificial, is the blessings that come with and after the pain.

Without mourning, I can not learn what it is like to heal. I can not come to a full appreciation of what I have been given and the people that I love until I am aware of the mourning that comes from loss. I can not come to know the comfort that the Universe will hold me in until I am willing to admit to and go through the sadness and hurt. It is in the healing that I come to know how gracious and loving the Universe is.

It is in our willingness to travel through loss, sadness and grief that we learn how to navigate that road for the future. I remember when I was young having difficulty sleeping without a night light. It seems trite, but it wasn't until I was willing to sleep in the dark for several nights in a row that I came to believe that light would return in the morning and that I had nothing to fear. Going through the dark night unaided by artificial light took away the fear of the darkness completely. Sadness and grief are like that too.

Even in our greatest loss there is blessing. We are all terrified at loosing the thing most dear to us; a relationship, our job, a possession, you know what I am talking about. The thing that we feel identifies us and which we would be nothing without. In surviving those huge losses, allowing ourselves to move honestly and fully through them, we become aware that the Universe is bigger than that and It's creation of us is also bigger than any one relationship, possession or loss. Creation and God are truly about life. Life continuing, life returning, life surviving.

Mourning as a blessing... Loss as something not to be hoped for, but to be thanked for the lessons, gifts and blessings it brings.

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The Joy of Desperation

Image via Wikipedia

How to Survive A Grizzly Attack

Source The art of manliness.com

1. Carry bear pepper spray. Experts recommend that hikers in bear country carry with them bear pepper spray. UDAP bear pepper spray is a highly concentrated capsaicin spray that creates a large cloud. This stuff will usually stop a bear in it’s tracks.

2. Don’t run. When you run, the bear thinks you’re prey and will continue chasing you, so stand your ground. And don’t think you can out run a bear. Bears are fast. They can reach speeds of 30 mph. Unless you’re an Olympic sprinter, don’t bother running.
3. Drop to the ground in the fetal position and cover the back of your neck with your hands. If you don’t have pepper spray or the bear continues to charge even after the spray, this is your next best defense. Hit the ground immediately and curl into the fetal position.
4. Play dead. Grizzlies will stop attacking when they feel there’s no longer a threat. If they think you’re dead, they won’t think you’re threatening. Once the bear is done tossing you around and leaves, continue to play dead. Grizzlies are known for waiting around to see if their victim will get back up.

How to Survive a Riptide

Source: Loving-Long-Island.com

Over 100 people drown in rip currents every year. The tragedy is compounded by the fact that rip currents are so very easy to avoid, and very easy to escape if you do happen to get caught up in one.

Rip currents are sometimes mistakenly referred to as riptides and undertow. These names are misnomers because although rip currents pull swimmers away from shore they have nothing to do with the tides and they do not pull swimmers under.

The real danger with rip currents is not that you're getting pulled away from shore, but how you react.

Most swimmers will panic and try to swim against the current. They will tire quickly and soon go under.

Desperation. Utter hopelessness. End of the rope. All expressions we are probably familiar with and unfortunately we have probably felt at one point or another. Grizzly bear attacks and rip currents both prove an important truth of the Universe though. It is when we know enough not to struggle against the thing that's trying to kill us that we are released from it. In actuality, sometimes it isn't even knowing enough that allows us to stop the fight, it is being exhausted, broken, ready to quit, roll over and die.

Alcoholics and drug addicts find the strength to get sober after they have hit bottom.

Bad relationships can be healed or ended after everyone has been emotionally drained and has no more fight for their personal agenda left in them.

People with eating disorders often find the strength to get healthy once they have gotten physically so sick that they almost loose their lives.

People will find a faith and a God of their understanding after they have been too tired, too lonely, too hopeless for too long; once they are exhausted and ready to quit.

It's almost as if, in all cases from grizzly attack to addiction, life wants to restore itself, healing wants to occur, but it cannot until we stop fighting. Until we know enough to stop or until we are so tired and spent that we have no more energy and we just roll over and accept what may come. That acceptance, that surrender, is our salvation.

We try so hard to avoid those times when we hit a wall, when we are broken down, when we have no strength to go on. Those things we struggle so hard against are actually blessed opportunities to witness how great and powerful the Universe is. We are blessed when we are broken because the fight is out of us. We are blessed when we are exhausted and empty because without our own agenda and plans in the way, Life and Love can take over and save us, resurrect us, bring us back from the brink of extinction that we are so sure we will fall into. It is those times and situations when we are at our lowest that we are near the Holy, vulnerable and ready to accept the Universe's healing love and grace.

Desperation is not to be fought against. It is to be welcomed, celebrated, even hoped for sometimes. If it is always darkest before the dawn, bring on the darkness today so that we may dance in the light tomorrow.

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Is Today Your Birthday?

Image by Jacob Johan via Flickr
It's my birthday today. My beautiful, can't-sing-a-note wife sang the birthday song to me. We are celebrating because I was born 42 years ago, a great day to be sure, but frankly an event I had nothing to do with except having the ability to breathe on my own when it was all over. Don't get me wrong, the contributions and gifts we bring to the world are worth celebrating, I'm just not sure there aren't at least several other dates to remember that we could call Birthdays.

If a birthday celebration marks the day we entered into the world and became human, what about other days when we entered more fully into the world and became more fully human?
Do you even remember what those events are or what date they fell on originally?
Could you make a list of all of those watershed events in your life and begin celebrating them?
Here's some possible RE-BIRTHDAYS for you to consider:

• Your first love
• Your graduation day
• The day you realized what you wanted to do with your life and started taking steps to get there
• The day you looked around and realized you WERE there
• The day you completed a long and difficult series of steps to reach an important goal
• Your wedding day
• The day you quit using drugs, alcohol, sex, eating, shopping, working, etc. as a crutch to get through life
• The day you knew, irrevocably, that there was a God and that God was good
• The day you became a parent
• The day you ended a harmful and difficult relationship
• The day you were announced to be cancer free
• The day you read the book that changed your life
• The day you suffered a loss so profound that you were never the same again

Now, not all of us have all of these re-birthdays. Compile your own list and start to celebrate them this year. Life is not set in stone the day you are born. It is a constant walk toward fulfillment and growth. Remember and celebrate the milestones.

Happy birthday to me, happy re-birthday to you.

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Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser?

Image by BrittneyBush via Flickr
At the end of every year we are always surrounded by the "year in review" TV programs, newspaper articles, magazine issues and radio shows.

• What would it look like if you did a year in review?

When I was starting out doing comedy, I used to tape every performance, open mic, benefit, weekend paid spot, every gig I worked. I would then listen to and review the tapes seeing what worked, what could be adjusted, what needed to be scrapped and never used again. It was these honest reviews and adjustments that helped me learn and grow and polish my set until suddenly, 5 years later, there I was playing at the Tropicana in Vegas. It would not have happened without the review.

Making resolutions is good, probably even necessary to set goals and plot a course (see yesterday's blog for a new outlook on resolutions). Maybe a personal and honest review of our year just passed can help to build a map. We would have to be ready to celebrate the successes as well as analyze the failures, be thankful for the growth and mourn the losses, but if we could do this honestly, take an accurate measure of who we were, who we are and who we wish to become, wouldn't that be a good place to start a new year?

Imagine not having to repeat the same mistakes this year. Think about using your past successes as springboards to a whole new level. Analyze your repeating patterns that are also repeating obstacles. Here's some questions to get you started:

• What relationships were mutually beneficial last year and why?
• What relationships were sources of stress or pain on either side last year and why?
• What activities, work, play or social, filled you with the greatest sense of joy and fulfillment last year and why?
• What activities, work, play or social, caused you anxiety, stress or a sense of dread last year and why?
• What events or situations last year made you feel connected to the Universe or in touch with the Holy?
• What events or situations last year made you feel disconnected or made you try to deny the existence of the universe or the Holy?
• What were your greatest successes and what contributed to them last year?
• What were your greatest failures or disappointments and what contributed to them last year?

After spending some time on those questions, make sure you were as honest as you could tolerate, and then crank up the honesty one more notch. It oughta' hurt a little. Once that's done, go into the new year looking to be more aware of what contributes to your successes and what direction the disappointments come from. You will be armed for fulfillment!

Enjoy your reflection, it is yours and it is beautiful.